it's been awhile ... but i feel compelled to write tonight. my ella james. 5 and 1/2, missing her two front bottom teeth, kindergarten. how does this happen so fast? when faced with the dilemma of where to put her in school, i thought my break down was due to the inability to make a decision, alone, with difficult maternal conflict. this was not the case. i realized after many sleepless nights, and many tears, that my broken heart was due to the realization that my dream to be at home with ella as a baby, as a toddler, was no longer obtainable. what a devastating realization for my heart. how i've longed to have more time with her. i am on this path ... this unknown path alone with my ella ... i'm still so blessed, grateful, and willing to carry on and move forward. we have a place ... here on earth ... meant to do great things.