it's been awhile ... but i feel compelled to write tonight.  my ella james.  5 and 1/2, missing her two front bottom teeth, kindergarten.  how does this happen so fast?  when faced with the dilemma of where to put her in school, i thought my break down was due to the inability to make a decision, alone, with difficult maternal  conflict.  this was not the case.  i realized after many sleepless nights, and many tears, that my broken heart was due to the realization that my dream to be at home with ella as a baby, as a toddler, was no longer obtainable.  what a devastating realization for my heart.  how i've longed to have more time with her.  i am on this path ... this unknown path alone with my ella ... i'm still so blessed, grateful, and willing to carry on and move forward.  we have a place ... here on earth ... meant to do great things.